Random Thoughts – Wishful Thinking.

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Blog, Blogging, feelings, Hindsight, life, mistakes, random, thoughts, Twilight

I first heard about the Twilight books from my sister while we were scoping a newly discovered book store. If you haven’t stopped reading already, I would like to take this opportunity to let you know that this piece is not about Twilight and I am most definitely not a Twihard. The first Twilight book was displayed prominently at the front of the store, the haunting cover with the pale hands holding a bright red apple naturally grabbing my attention as I love reading horror, thrillers and supernatural fiction ( Stephen King is an all time favorite!).  I asked my sister for a brief synopsis and what she told me seemed anything but original – a typical teenage fantasy novel – but my sister insisted there was something special and unique about the story. It was different, she insisted, gazing dreamily behind my left shoulder. If you ask her now, she will never admit to saying that. Never.

Fast forward to the movies coming out. I had never gotten around to reading the books so I decided to watch the movie that people all over the world were going crazy over. After the watching the first movie I didn’t know what to think. Not only was the story line way below par, bad casting and atrocious acting made for a dreadful movie experience. I was more surprised than disappointed – surprised at it’s huge success. The subsequent movies were more, if not just as successful as the first, despite terrible reviews. Now I must admit there are a lot of movies that I like despite bad reviews ( e.g the first three X-men movies) but Twilight was just….Twilight….I don’t know what to say about it honestly! I was baffled by its popularity but a passing comment from a friend made me realize what made the books and movie such a huge success. “Do you know how I know that Twilight was written by a woman? The vampires shine, like diamonds, when sunlight hits them,” she said. Ah, the age old stereotype of women being obsessed with diamonds (I am cursed when it comes to diamonds but that is a story for another time). But it got me thinking about why Twilight was so popular. Isn’t it almost every woman’s dream to have a handsome, seemingly invincible and dangerous man (or maybe woman)sweep them off their feet (literally in this case) and make them the center of their world, to have this brooding,hellishly strong introverted (and therefore eliminating competition) man be hopelessly in love with her? Although in today’s world, women don’t need to be taken care of or need a man to survive and the feminist in me screams as I admit that I think most women, myself included, still have that little princess, perhaps pushed to a tiny corner at the very back of their heads, that still yearns for Prince Charming. And that’s what Twilight honed in on – wishful thinking.

I’m writing about this now because the other day, I watched a promo for a new series called Hindsight which hones in on another popular concept in wishful thinking – going back in time and living your life again knowing what you already know now. Think of all the wrongs that could be made right, how much better (and maybe even perfect) life could be. It tickled my interest but once again the acting and concept seemed a little cliche so I think I’ll pass, although I do wish I could go back in time and un-watch Twilight.

In conclusion, I think a surefire way to write a successful novel or short story or series or whatever, is to pin-point an idea that a majority of the population (or as much as you need to get your desired amount of fame and money) wish for but cannot really have. Concepts embedded in the wishful thinking of the readers (and of course some minimal skill in written English) is sure to bring success! There you go all you serious writers – your free advice of that day! Let me know if it works out for you!:P

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Exoskeleton.

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Blog, Blogging, depressed, exoskeleton, feelings, gloomy, Photography, Sad

Human exoskeleton or top of woven jute laundry basket – however you want to look at it.

Sometimes I wish we humans had an exoskeleton. Before you go on to imagine a giant bug like alien or a human turned inside out, I should mention I mean this in a purely figurative manner. If you’ve read my previous posts today, you already know I’m stressed, depressed, over eating and drinking a lot of soda and tea which have lead to frequent bathroom trips. During one such trip, my attention was drawn to the woven jute laundry basket right in front of me (it’s a small bathroom) and I decided to take a closeup picture of the woven top. When I later looked at the picture (above), it almost looked like part of an external skeletal system, much like a bug. That got me thinking. What if we humans had an exoskeleton? Except this skeleton would not protect from physical but psychological harm. Imagine being enclosed in a bony cocoon that protects you from the mental pain that comes with being a fully functioning human being. Wouldn’t that be great?

Cold And Bleak, Day and Future.

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bleak, Blog, Blogging, challenges, cold, feelings, life, miserable, Sad

Current view from my window.

There are days when I feel I can conquer the world and then there are days like today. It’s snowing and miserably cold outside but it feels even colder inside. I’ve been feeling alone, isolated and a failure for so long that sometimes I feel there is nothing else I’m capable of feeling. Sorry this is such a gloomy post but I feel like the day is much like my future – cold and bleak 😦 But life goes on so back to the job search! I’m still going to grumble and complain though.

Change 2 – Diving Into The Unknown.

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Blog, Blogging, change, feelings, life, negative, scared, terrified

I am terrified. After I was done with a huge exam yesterday (I don’t expect to pass it, in all honesty), I wanted to sit down and write but there was so much going through my head  that the only way I could cope was to watch mindless YouTube videos to actively, even if temporarily, flush out the rushing thoughts. I’ve used this technique before but all it does is create a temporary sense of impassiveness only for the issues to come back later in a colossal, and usually unavoidable at that point, fashion. And not to mention when that happens, I blame myself for procrastinating which only pours in more negativity in an already gloomy situation. It’s an immature, ignorant and self-destructive approach to life and until recently, I hadn’t even admitted to myself that I was doing it.

I’m not only a procrastinator, I’m also a severely introverted escapist. I have a very low tolerance for conflict and have agreed to being wrong just in hopes of avoiding disagreements. Add a conservative family with high expectations to the mixture and you have the perfect ingredients to create a depressed 31 year old who suddenly finds that she has done nothing but escape all her life, only to reach a point where she suddenly realizes she has nothing that she can call her own. Yes this is a depressing post but I am in a funk today.

Having painfully admitted this to myself before I fell deeper into this hole I’m digging, I decided things needed to change and I needed to step out of my comfort zone. That meant standing up and working towards what I wanted instead of what everyone else wants or expects. This also meant having to face that which I fear the most – conflict (and human interaction in general). So in a moment of clarity about two days ago, which incidentally also happened to be a time I was most stressed out (funny how I get all my good ideas when I’m stressed out and not in the shower like normal people), I decided the direction I wanted my life to go and force myself to begin the process. Easier said than done of course. Two days later I’m sitting here terrified, the little girl in me screaming and trying to hide under the safety of her blanket while the adult me wants to keep watching YouTube videos. I am diving into the unknown and I am terrified. Even though my conviction seems to be waning, I hope I can salvage enough to keep me going till I can get my next dose. Maybe writing this will help. Only time will tell.

I Think He’s a Keeper Because …….

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Blog, Blogging, feelings, Happy, Keeper, Love, Relationships, Romantic, Sappy

Warning : This is a sappy, sickly sweet, romantic post ❤

Driving back at 7.30am after 3 hours of sleep.

………. he drove 4 hours after a 9 hour work day, just to spend a couple of hours talking after a fight (which was, and I admit, mostly my doing) and had only 3 hours of sleep before heading back to work again but did not complain about it….yet 😛 Hopefully this isn’t a one time thing.

A Thanksgiving With Mixed Feelings.

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aspirations, Blog, Blogging, challenges, Family, feelings, Friends, Happy, life, mixed, motivation, Sad, Thanksgiving

Today I went on my first real American Thanksgiving meal. My neighbor and very close friend invited me to her house for Thanksgiving lunch. They also had some friends from out of state who were really great company. Their out-of-state friend decided that because this was my first official Thanksgiving meal, he was going to explain the basics to me such as : you may be tempted to pile your plate up with huge portions of everything – don’t! Even if you take small servings of everything, it will still be too much. Expect to need a nap right after, or in some cases during, the meal, and other such important tidbits about Thanksgiving meals. He was right on all counts. My friend had made an amazing stuffing and as soon as I sat down with a second serving of only stuffing, I realized I was already full. And there was still the delicious desserts – pecan pie and pumpkin cake…mmmmmm. The food was great, the conversation pleasant and flowing, and there were these really great honey-mustard-onion flavored pretzel pieces that I couldn’t stop eating! I also discovered my preference in wine – really sweet wine.

On the other hand, the man who has been a constant source of strength and support to me for the last 6 months, spent Thanksgiving alone. He had no family to go to and no special Thanksgiving meal. What makes me sad about this is not only that I couldn’t spend Thanksgiving with him, but also the fact that he was raised here and therefore having a proper Thanksgiving means so much more to him than it does to me. He has been understandably sad and gloomy over this Holiday season because he is spending it alone. I told him I owe him a turkey dinner. I told him we will celebrate all the occasions we miss on our own days at our own convenience. I have a lot to be thankful for and just because we couldn’t celebrate it together on the date most celebrate it on, doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate it on another date and time. I am thankful everyday for the things I have in life. That means everyday should be Thanksgiving for me – minus the food of course. I don’t want to die of overeating *groan*

So I have mixed feelings about Thanksgiving this year. While I enjoyed good food and company, someone very dear to me spent it alone and sad. All we can do really is to try and make the best of things and keep moving forward in hopes of a better and more perfect tomorrow. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!